


Goodbye

by The_Hawk_Eye



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt Sam Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, based in chapter 5x04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 14:50:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Hawk_Eye/pseuds/The_Hawk_Eye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on s5e4 'The End'. Here we are now, in Detroit. We meet again after three years Dean. You have come here to try to kill Lucifer, and I know that you didn't expect to see me. You didn't expect to see me here to say Yes to Lucifer. The Big Yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I wrote this long time ago (years). I thought it would be interesting to write something in English and now I think I should to share this in fanfiction. English is not my native language so probably you’ll find a lot of mistakes… sorry for that.
> 
> At least I hope you like it.

Here we are now, in Detroit.

We meet again after three years Dean. You have come here to try to kill Lucifer, and I know that you didn’t expect to see me, not in this place, not in this moment… and above allyou didn’t expect to see me here to say _Yes_ to Lucifer. The Big _Yes_.

You have to be so disappointed Dean… And I’m very sorry for that. You won’t believe me if I say that I’m really sorry for what I’m going to do… I didn’t want this to happen Dean, but this is what I want to do right now…

It’s going to be hard for you, but I can’t do anything to make it easier.

Lucifer knows that you aren’t going to say _Yes_ to Michael, so I do too. I know I’m giving the victory to demons, but I don’t care anymore. I just want to say Y _es_ to Lucifer, I only want to give him what he deserves; I only want to give him my body.

And now, while I’m looking at you eyes, I can see the hate, the rage, the sadness… In the past that would have killed me, but not now… I don’t care what you think about my decision.

I’m going to give him my body, and if you don’t like it, well I don’t have to do always what you want me to do.

You left me alone Dean. Even now I can remember your last words “Goodbye Sam”. You said them like you didn’t care about what happen to me.

Three years ago, you left me alone and I had to try to move on. Day by day I had to live without you, without anybody. I was all alone. I fought against the loneliness. And one day Lucifer came to me… he began to talk to me. He talked about angels before the humans were created, and how he revealed against God just because he saw we were bad creatures that were destroying earth, God’s creation.

I didn’t hear him at the beginning. I usually closed my eyes and thought of you, my mind got lost in memories about you and me being together. I remembered our past when we were looking for dad…

But I was all alone. I didn’t have anybody. And Lucifer visited me every night. His voice was calm and kind. He only talked about his past, about the story of angels and demons and humans.

He was so happy when he was talking about Heaven that I wished to be there… Heaven has to be avery beautiful place Dean. It’s a pity that I can’t ever see it.

And he talked about Hell too, about all the horrors he had to live there. He talked about the fire that burned his skin, his beautiful wings… And I heard him even when I didn’t want to do it… because it was wrong.

At first I ignored all his words; I thought that everything was a lie to confuse me, to make me say _Yes_. But one day I began to pay attention because nobody was with me except Lucifer, and I needed someone to be with me… and he was the only person around…

And I heard what he had to say. And one day he asked me about how I felt… the first day I didn’t respond him, not the second… because I shouldn’t talk to him, he was the Devil… He was who had takenme away from you… and I should hate him for that…

But you weren’t there to hear me, you didn’t ask me how I was doing, if I was alright… and he did what you should have done. And one day I said that I was having a bad time… other day I said to him how much I missed you… And he heard me; he talked to me about you.

Thanks to him I knew you were alive, and I knew you were fighting against demons too. I heard about Helen, Jo, Bobby and Cass…

I began to wait for him to come to visit me.

He never tried to convince me tosay _Yes_. We were only chatting. And that felt amazing. I wasn’t alone anymore.

I worked in a bar, and one night I said the name of the place just because I wanted him to come there. And Lucifer came alone. And that was the first time I talked to him face to face. His face had scars and burns. He didn’t talk about them nor about me saying _Yes_.

Oh Dean… that night I tried to call you because I was scared about what was happening to me… I was so scared Dean… I needed you to say me anything, to scold me… But you didn’t answer the phone…

And I let this to happen again and again… and again…

But I couldn’t stop him. I met Lucifer and we talked.

But one day I heard about you and I felt so ashamed… I couldn’t do this to you…One time I was fooled by a demon and I didn’t want toallow that to happen again. I couldn’t choose a demon over my brother again…

I ran away from Lucifer.

And Lucifer came to me through an illusion again. It was as if he wanted to win my confidence again…

I cried when I saw him again.

I shoutedhim to leave me alone.

I denied his presence.

I fought against him…

I tried to kill myself…

But I failed in everything…

He didn’t get mad at me. He was kind and had patience with me like you never had… and it felt so wrong but at the same time so good… and I couldn’t help butfall.

And when he wasn’t with me I began to think about you, in your last words… “Goodbye Sam”. And they sounded cold to me, asif you didn’t care anymore… maybe you were better off without me. Maybe you thought that I was a monster and you wished to be away from me.

I tried to call you, but you never answered… And all my fears began to have form. If you only knewhow scared I was.

And little by little I began to see that Lucifer wasn’t so bad. He was the Devil, but he was so kind and he loved me… He loved me Dean.

I thought about you again, that was the only way to not say _Yes_. I had failed youso many times in the past… I couldn’t do that again. I was a bad brother, that was what I thought about myself.

But the days passed and I didn’t talk to you, and I was dying because I needed to hear your voice… I remembered when you were death, how bad that was…

I remembered Ruby, the way she lied to us. I remembered when you sold your soul… I remembered so many things and I realized that you made a lot of mistakes too. You trusted in Ruby too, you sold your soul when you knew that I would die without you and I would feel guilty for that…

I made a lot of mistakes Dean, we both know that. But you did too Dean, and you never told me this. You kept them like a secret I never should heard… But you can never hide something forever. The truth came to me one evening before Lucifer arrived.

How could you do this to me Dean? Why did you allow me to feel like shit? It was normal for the two of us to make mistakes… It’s just normal forpeople to make mistakes all the time…

Oh Dean… I gotso angry that night. I felt so stupid… so fooled by you… And Lucifer was there again and I realized that he never talked about having me. He didn’t get mad atme for not saying _Yes._ In some manner that I couldn’t understand I began to look at Lucifer as if he was my savior… not you anymore.

He rescued me from the loneliness.

For years he waited for me. He had patience and never gave up on me. He trusted in me like you didn’t do anymore…

He trusted in me and that feel so good… everything was so perfect, to feel again that someone trusted in me… I remembered how good it felt and I wanted to keep that sensation and don’t loseit again.

And that was what it makes me come here today.

I didn’t want you to see this, but maybe it’s necessary for both of us. I will be able to say goodbye to you, and you Dean… maybe this is your last chance to understand what has happened to me in this years, what are my feelings.

“I’m sorry Dean, I’m so sorry Dean…” I say although I know that you don’t want to hear me “If one day you want to understand me, my reasons…” but you don’t want to try, it’s easier in that way “you only have to think abouthow lonely I was those days when you left me, when everybody left me because I was dangerous…”

You look at me like I'mcrazy. I know that look, you’re asking what reasons can I have to do this abominable act? You don’t want to understand me, but I have to try to make you want to some day.

“I lost you Dean, I lost Bobby, Cass… I lost my life just because you didn’t want me to be near me”. I can feel how my voice is going down, but I have to continue. “I was alone Dean, and he came to me…”

“Lucifer”

“Yes Dean, Lucifer came to me and did what you never wanted to do” I cansee the sadness and I had thought that it would kill me, but I’m just fine with that. I don’t care about your feelings. “I’m going to give him what he deserves”.

“What he deserves? Sam… you’re crazy” you said to me the pity in your eyes. “Don’t do this! You can’t do this to me”

“Sorry Dean, this is not about you. This is not about hurting you… I’m doing this because it’s what I want to do… and it has nothing to do with you, with your feelings”

But you don’t hear me, you never did… you never would… You feel ashamed of your own brother, and you don’t hear me. You just look away like always, and blame me for everything, because I’m weak, a monster, and a freaking creature that you should have killed a long time ago.

“Goodbye Sam” I hear that words again and I don’t know what to feel anymore…

I look at Lucifer and he smilesatme and he promises me you aren’t going to die today. And I think it’sfair enough and I accept that he’s going to kill you one day. But at least not today, you’llfight against Lucifer, that's how you want to die. Or maybe you’ll find a way to kill Lucifer. I don’t care what happens in the future.

“I give my body to you” I sayvery quietly.

“Are allowing me to posses your body?”

“Yes” I answer. And before Lucifer take my body, I look at you Dean. “I love you, Dean” I whisper before Lucifer possesses me. “I love you, brother…”

You’re going to hate me, to be hurt by me… And I’m sorry… Oh, Dean I’m so sorry. I would have died for you at another time Dean, but now it’stoolate for both of us. I’ve been deadfor so long, since the day I lost you, since the day you left me behind.

Now I will not do what you believe right anymore, but I still love you Dean. Although I’m giving my body to Lucifer, I still love you.

“Goodbye, Dean.”

And these are my last words to you, Dean.

**Author's Note:**

> That’s all. I hope you liked it and mistakes weren’t very serious. This is my first time writing something in English so I would like to know if I should try it again.


End file.
